Minimizing the chaos, confusion and stress in your relationship, therefore, is accomplished by understanding what you're really arguing about. The first argument teaches what is important to each individual, by linking back to each other's underlying core issue. You may be fooled into thinking that you're arguing about cookies, wastebaskets, fences, etc., but rarely are these "content" issues the "real" issue. The real issue is your core issue from childhood that gets unknowingly triggered by the content issue.
Dating Tip #2: Strive for ClaritySomehow, we often think that repeating the same things that have never worked will suddenly work, and our partner will miraculously understand! It doesnt make sense, but we do it anyway.
Dating Tip #3: Solve Big Ones Before Small OnesUnderstanding the value and importance of the first argument as a tool to self-knowledge can reduce stress. When you start to argue and hear yourself repeating the same sentences that don't work, going back to your tools of self-awareness will create a framework for resolving conflict. Small issues are connected to bigger issues, and the first argument reveals our bigger, core issues from the past. Once the big issue is revealed, the small issue can then be determined.
Dating Tip #3: Be "Current"When conflict is resolved, stress is reduced and you have the ability to be current with each other. Being "current" means you're in the moment with few unresolved matters clouding the relationship. The more current a relationship is, the healthier it is.
Dating Tip #4: Repair It NowRemember that when dealt with, the first argument is small. When put aside, it becomes bigger and bigger to the point of being overwhelming and unsolvable. Each time we fight, we hurt each other a little bit more, until we've damaged each other and the relationship. Once this has happened, it's hard to regain the good feelings we once had for each other.